there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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