how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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