I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
