New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
