Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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