The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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