somebody snuck up and got me drunk
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
