My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
