so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
