So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
