Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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