Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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