It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
