we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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