Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize