Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
