Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
