fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
