So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
