I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Even my vagina gasped.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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