You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
