You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
