Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
