I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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