google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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