That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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