I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
