His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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