Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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