sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
