HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
