need another drink. this is the easiest way
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
