Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
