farters have to be the big spoon...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
