i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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