if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
