my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
