you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
