I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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