So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
