Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize