I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
