do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You made out with two different species that night
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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