Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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