dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
third nipple confirmed
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
