Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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