Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
