I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
