i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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