Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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