Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
