I think I am morally bankrupt
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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