you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
