I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
