i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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