I cockslap morals
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
