i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
