Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He passed out mid-signature
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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