goodnight i made you a song goodbye
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
