we have pet lesbian snakes
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
