Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
