I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
