I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
