i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
