ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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