why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
