Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize