Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
