just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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